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No... no.. dear
God, no! THEY MADE MORE! The same team that was behind
the stinkfest Darkman
has to be behind this game as well. It simply
reeks of them. Now I thought the fact that Darkman existed was bad
enough, but now we find out they were allowed to make MORE games!?
Do you remember at the end of Evil Dead, when Ash has just
killed everyone and survived the Deadites, only to turn around and
see the camera springing at him through the door? That look of horror
on his face? That's how I'm feeling right now.
Robocop 2,
the movie, is all about the bionic officer taking down a powerful
cartel of drug dealers. Robocop 2, the game, is all about pastel colors,
poor control, and a constant stream of the same objectives in outlandish
levels. In other words, it's just like Darkman.
I want the designers
of these two games to take an actual trip to a factory. I really do,
just once. I just want them to see what real buildings look like,
because going by these two games, they just don't know. Also, watch
Robocop 2 for me. At any time during the film, do you ever
see floating Mario-esque platforms suspended by rocket engines, springy
platforms that shoot people into the air, or "wacky blocks"
that reverse Robo's controls? No? So what version did these people
watch? The LSD cut?
The
graphics in this game are from the bright pastel section of the
NES palatte, a section where no developer should ever go. They
are drawn reasonably well, but colored terribly and poorly sized.
A fire hydrant is almost as large as Robocop, and it doesn't
get better from there. The game has you hopping through identical
crazy levels, picking up bottles of "Nuke" (the drug
this game's development seems to have been powered by) and arresting
certain villians. These special fellows look different from the
others and the game beeps to indicate when they're nearby. Running
into them sends them off to jail, and all other baddies are dealt
with through judicious use of your automatic pistol. As with the
first game, you are timed to complete the levels and still take
damage from pistols and kicks, despite being Robocop. You would
think Robo would have a longer battery life, and maybe some
armor...considering he's made out of frickin' steel! |
Is this a hydrant for forest fires?
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Each
level is introduced by a screen of Robo downloading his mission
from the Detroit PD's computers. These are very brief and work
to keep the story on track, yet there is never any variety - you're
always destroying Nuke and arresting people. Even when you are
saving hostages, you're tallied as arresting villians. I suppose
it would be too much work to make an extra screen for these situations
saying "hostages saved." Also interesting is the fact
that you can never complete 100% of your mission, always 99%.
I suppose three digits were too taxing to code. Should you fail
to complete the required percentage of either of your objectives,
you are sent to a shooting range for "calibration."
Those who have suffered through Darkman will recognize the exact
same Hogan's Alley setup, this time having you shoot at cutouts
instead of snapping pictures with your camera. Succeed here and
you move on, fail and you have the joy of playing the last level
over again. |
The
ultimate goal of the game is to beat the sissy ass of Cain, leader
of the Nuke cult, then beat his sissy ass again when he's placed
in the body of Robocop 2. Robo 2 is, of course, much larger and
nastier than you, and the fight between the two of you is what
you are meant to look forward to through the entire game. So it
would make sense that Robo 2, as the villian and all, would need
to be fierce and scary-looking, right? Well the master designers
are at it again: Robocop 2 lays down a barrage of bullets and
deadly PINK rockets. Pink. How can you take this thing seriously
when it's launching this nonsense at you? I'm not frightened by
the fact that he's twice as large and shooting rockets the size
of Jeeps. I'm not even a little concerned, because at any second
I expect Robocop and Robocop 2 to stop fighting, sit down together,
and drink some Arbor Mist and watch Cher. |
It's FABULOUS!
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It's interesting
to note that two complaints from the first Robocop game seem to have
been addressed here. Robo now always has his gun, and has the ability
to jump. This jumping ability now allows for jumping puzzles and challenges
throughout the levels, which may or may not be a good thing for you.
Unfortunately, the game has continued Darkman's tradition of having
the character slide everywhere before stopping. Your jumping distance
is also determined by your forward motion, so you must get a running
start to leap any real distance. When you are sliding around
on a tiny box, trying to get enough space to run and leap to the next
box (where you must then quickly reverse to keep from sliding
right off), it's quite easy to get just... a little... PISSED OFF.
Admittedly, Robocop
2 is a far better game than Darkman, and there is certainly more to
do here than there was in the first Robocop game. They do try to give
you enough to do, and mildly succeed. The first Robocop is the better
choice for a fun arcade experience, and if you're looking for a challenging
platformer then you'll want to go somewhere else. But if you're being
held at gunpoint and forced to play this game, then you'll probably
be able to make it all the way through without preferring to eat a
bullet. That's about the best compliment I can give for this game.
Take it as you will.
-reviewed 7/20/01 - game copyright 1991 Data East
Pretty damn long,
and can be challenging, though more out of dealing with the game's
many frustrations.
Now you've done it. You've pissed Robocop off with another shitty
game based on him.
Robocop 2 on MobyGames
Gameplay video at NESGuide
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