Ryan "Static_A_Matic" DiGiorgi Reviewer/Wisecracking Sarcasmotronic Robot Buddy Current Location: Chattanooga, TN Background From the start, the story of Static_A_Matic has been one wrought with mockery, technology, and game reviewal. His oldest known ancestor, Statngrímr Ö Mtatýrkjartan, was hewn from teak wood in 984 A.D. and imbued with mystical powers by heathen magicians. Within ten minutes of Statngrímr's creation, he had given scathing reviews to several popular games of the time, including kvatrutafl which he called "the biggest waste of walrus ivory since hnefatafl". In retaliation, the game's publisher, Pakr Brüders, bolted Statngrímr to the mast of a Viking longship and sunk him at Skuldelev in the Roskilde Fjord. Luckily, he had managed to father a son with a Scandinavian oar maker's daughter, who took the child to Europe where the family fell into obscurity until the late 1600s. It was then that clockwork critic Stratford De Marquette called Cribbage "a well-meaning, but mediocre failure of a game". Other notable ancestors followed, including the steam driven Stanley O'Malley, the vacuum tube operated Samuel McMahon, and Spike A. Maverick who ran on a Commodore 64 and a Lite Brite. Game reviewers all. But the bloodline hit its peak when Gizmonics Institute failed to release a critical security patch for their next generation line of wiseass androids, causing an independent inventor to make his own modifications to improve the old system. Static_A_Matic was born.

In the late 1990s, the J Man discovered Static_A_Matic hovering through an Alaskan fishing village. He cleaned him up, fed him, and put in a Pentium 4. The two bonded over a shared love of creative writing, Nintendo, and pretending they're smarter than everyone else. The J Man showed him an idea for a website he'd been tinkering with, and the sarcastic robot encouraged his benefactor to make "Just Games Retro" available to the world. A few months later, the J Man contacted Static about a position on the JGR crew. At last he had found his calling.

How'd you get tied up in this JGR thing?
"The J Man" showed me some reviews he had written for the original Just Games magazine. I loved 'em. The only problem was that I was the only one beside his dog that had access to them. So I ordered him to share his talents with net-goers everywhere, and son of a gun, he did. He offered me an open invitation to join the staff, but I had no experience with emulation and zero free time, so I had to turn him down. But a few months later, the opportunity to ridicule things lured me like a Siren's song back to JGR, and I've been here ever since.

How'd you pick your site name and icon?
I'm a huge fan of the cult television series Mystery Science Theater 3000. My style of riffing on games is inspired by their style of riffing on movies. The icon is Tom Servo, one of my favorite characters from the show. The name comes from a project that MST3K creator Joel Hodgson developed. It was called Statical Planets and used a process called "Static-A-Matic" to make it appear that the audience was getting a powerful electric shock.

What's your background? On any federal lists we should know about?
They tell me I have a BA in Communication with an English Writing minor, but they haven't sent me this elusive "diploma" I've heard so much about. I enjoy all aspects of film and television, but my main passion is writing. I work at a TV studio where I get to do everything except write. I was recenlty informed that my little sister did NOT beat me on the ACTs. So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

Why review old games?
Emulation is slowly but surely bringing old games back to the forefront. The kids of the Nintendo generation could only afford the games they really wanted, but now that everything's free, someone's got to tell 'em what's worth the download. And since gaming magazines of the time haven't bothered to put their archives online, that someone is us. Plus there's a whole new generation growing up with their fancy ass Xboxes that needs to read about the classics of yesteryear. Just remember, we were doing this before the Virtual Console came out.

What game systems have you physically owned?
I had a second hand Commodore 64, an Atari 2600 that my dad somehow thought would be a good gift for my mom back in the 70s, an NES, GameBoy, SNES, N64, Playstation2, GameBoy Advance, Nintendo DS, Wii, and various PCs.

How do you choose what to review?
I used to focus on terrible-looking games so as to extract the sweet, sweet comedy nector of the bad review. But now, much like our readers, I'm also looking for great games that I missed due to lack of funds when I was a kid. Still, I give each game a fair shake, so I won't shy away from shooting holes in a supposed classic or admitting affection for a traditionally panned title. And then I review whatever the J Man asks me to review.

How'd you get involved in emulation?
I downloaded my first ROM so I could review it for this very site. I stuck with it so I could play all of those games I didn't have the money for as a kid.

Why emulation?
Same as everyone else. I sold my Nintendo to help pay for my Nintendo 64. Emulation is a free way to make up for that.

How do you feel about the legalities of emulation?
I'm big on intellectual property. I hate the losers that won't pay $7.00 to go see a multi-million dollar movie, because they can rip it off the net for free. But emulation is in a different league. The material being downloaded is not just out of circulation; it's off the map. Old video games aren't preserved like other media. Walk into a mall near you and you can easily pick up Duck Soup on DVD, Abbey Road on CD, and The Maltese Falcon in paperback or hardcover. But only a handful of stores still carry Excite Bike for NES, and they've probably only got one copy. And if you buy it, nobody's making money except the store. The creators, developers, publishers, lawyers, and marketers all got paid way back when that copy of the game was originally bought from the retailer. So don't worry, everyone's taken care of. With that in mind, why not get the game for free?

Favorite old games?
Tetris for Gameboy, Mario, Mario 3, Dr. Mario (yeah, I know it's Tetris, but the music was cooler), and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Manhattan Project.

Favorite new games?
Psychonauts, the Ratchet and Clank series, Guitar Hero, the Metal Gear Solid series, Spider-Man (the PS1 one), Time Crisis II, Grand Theft Auto III.

Other favorites?
The Beatles, Syrup by Max Barry, Back to the Future, deviled eggs, brunettes, and Deadpool.

One old game that should be remade?
I guess my vote would go to Fisher-Price: Firehouse Rescue. Either that or The Great Waldo Search, only in this version, Waldo's a drug mule and you're hunting him down in full 3D! But a better choice would probably be Zombies Ate My Neighbors.

Proudest videogame achievements?
My short attention span has kept me from any earth shattering hardcoreness, but: beating Time Crisis II in under 13 minutes with a buddy, beating the hardest mode in Killer Instinct Gold, beating Marvel Superheroes with every character including Dr. Doom, killing my thumbs getting both endings of Metal Gear Solid, calling a plot twist in Metal Gear Solid simply by my knowledge of voice actors, killing Anna Navarre at the FIRST opportunity in Deus Ex, missing a stage production of something I wrote because I was too engrossed in Beyond Good and Evil, tracking down a copy of Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist, providing the first real online information about Reelect JFK, and the cheesiest one of all, beating all 100 puzzle mode levels in Pac-Attack, the Pac-Man Tetris clone.

Game character you're most like?
Guybrush Threepwood. I'm a lovable schlub who wins by force of personality alone.

Most underrated game?
Grim Fandango. I know it's a cult favorite, but I still don't think it gets the praise it deserves.

Most overrated game?
Halo.

Last word to the Fans:
Join us.